Bora: Go in! This isn’t a big deal. I’ll speed away, okay?
Il-hwa (Bora’s mom): Alright, go. Also, your dad called to say he has a lot of work at the bank.
Bora: It’s fine! He doesn’t need to be here. I’m off. I’ll call often.
Il-hwa: Okay. We can’t call you so call us, okay? You don’t have to call everyday, but at least once a week, okay?
Then off she went. Il-hwa stayed behind, her fists clenched, her eyes full of worries and sadness. She sighed and sniffed. She told her second daughter: “I wish he [the father] could come home early on a day like this.”
Bora drove off to the main road, just to see her father standing on a sidewalk, waiting for her. Bora, trying to be strong at first, couldn’t hold it anymore as she almost burst into tears.
Bora: What are you doing here?
Dong-il (Bora’s dad): Here, take this.
Bora opened the bag her dad just gave. Three boxes of pills to take for headaches, for body aches, and for a severe cold. She broke down.
Bora: They sell medicine there too! There’s a pharmacy in Silim too!
Her dad smiled, nodded, then gave her some money.
Dong-il: Buy some meat once in a while. It’s not much. Don’t buy crappy 500-won meals at the school cafeteria all the time. Treat yourself sometimes.
…
Dong-il: Hurry and go. Cars will get stuck behind you.
Bora: You go too – She drove off as she cried.
Dong-il: See you. – He called after Bora – If something happens, call us!
He waited until he cannot see Bora’s car anymore. There he was, left alone on the sidewalk. He looked around, feeling helpless, then slowly walked home.
Bora is the eldest sister in the family. She rarely shows her emotions, and she always seems to be grumpy. But being the eldest daughter makes her more thoughtful and attentive to the others. She gave up on her dream to study law as the family was poor back then. Now as her parents can afford it, she decides to pursue it. She moves out to stay at the school’s dorm to study, it’ll be easier as the bar exam will be tough. The story is in the movie Reply 1988, and the scene is from Episode 16.
I see myself and my family as this scene passes. When I see the eyes of Dong-il and Il-hwa, I can’t think of anything else but my dad and my mom at the airport 8 months ago, seeing me off. At that moment, the only thing they told me, just as Bora’s parents did, was to take care. I guess it’s because parents don’t care about anything else except for the health and safety of their children. How those two simple words can carry their whole love.
When Dong-il gave Bora the pills and the money, I think of my dad as he gave me a VND note at the airport, telling me to keep it just to be sure if I’d need something on the way to the boarding gate. I was about to say that I’d got money with me, just as Bora said there would be pharmacies near her dorm. But that’s his way of showing love, I thought. So I took it without saying anything. I still keep that note with me, and I still take it out just to look at it once in a while.
As I passed the security gate, I didn’t want to look back. It broke my heart a million times, to see the shape of my family, standing there, helpless. Helpless as they couldn’t go any further with me. Helpless as all they could do was to hope for the best. Dong-il was the one to encourage Bora to pursue her dream, now, he’s the one to feel helpless. Maybe that’s how parents are? Being supportive with their children’s choices, even though that would mean not being able to be there for them.
I realized, I’ve always seen my parents as an inseparable part in my daily life and whenever I need, they’d be there. Mom would get my jeans fixed, would leave her office at any time to drive me to hospital if I’m sick, would fix the meal if I ruin it. Dad would buy me breakfast before he goes to work, would actually never forget to buy it, would drive kilometers to look for what I need. I realized they have been, and always will be, my superheroes, who could do everything for their children. I just didn’t realize there could be this moment, when they looked so small, so vulnerable. And Bora only started to cry out loud when she looked into the rear mirror and saw her dad standing still on the road, looking at her as she drove away.
I remember looking back and waving at my family. I remember how my mom leaned herself a bit forward as she waved back, resisting her force to not cross the security gate to hug me one more time. I remember how my dad didn’t wave back, but stood still and looked at me as I left. The look of love, loss, and worry. I will never forget it for the rest of my life.
We take things for granted easily. We are young. We have our life, our studies, our career and other relationships. Among all of these, how much time do we have left for our parents? We postpone calling them, because “I’m busy, Mom!”. We decide to not come home this summer, because “I’ve got work, Dad!”. Their responses are always “We understand. Take care honey! Just call whenever you have time, okay?” Time passes by and it’s our parents who get old and long for us the most.
I guess Dong-il and Il-hwa will be looking at the missing seat at the dining table, where Bora would usually be sitting. They will sigh silently but they will smile so their two younger children won’t be worried. They will probably mention Bora when they eat something delicious. They will feel her absence.
But I also know that Bora, and any other daughters and sons who live far away from their parents, will call home often. She will, because she will miss her family whenever she has to eat the crappy 500-won meals. She will, because at night, in the city where she’s a stranger, she will miss the small alley where she grew up. She will, because she loves her parents and her siblings endlessly.
They all have a meaning
Let’s all sing together
Say that you dreamed without regrets
Say that you will dream a new dream”
Linh With A View 